Singles are drowning in the Shallowness of Life
by Scott LaMay
Who we are is reflected by programming from our parents, teachers, media, employers, peers, and numerous other sources. We have become controlled by time, power, and money. No longer are we destined to be part of a melting-pot society. We are a society isolated and excluded by our own thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors.
A reoccurring dream takes hold of my subconscious. It's a scene in a movie. A woman falls in the ocean from a yacht listing side to side in strong winds and high seas. When entering the water, she fights to surface, but the undertow is just too strong. Waving wildly in fear, her arms and legs were creating a propelling motion to bring her to the next breath of air. But the current, the outside forces against her of which she has no control, begins to overcome her desire to fight for her life. Screams went unheard and vented a large volume of life giving air. Her lips spewed diminishing bubbles and her body showed signs of lifelessness. Her arms, legs, and hair set adrift. Eyes wide open with a look of fear and peace in very moment of final existence—lifeless.
This vivid portrayal suggests to me, that at times, I too have given up when faced with overcoming the outside forces against me. Whether the lack of money to make ends meet, not having or losing the job I would like to have, or not having relationships with others or a significant other. Having these things makes us cherish life, live longer and happier.
I know all to well, from self doubt, that life circumstances can and do cause us to give up. I don't want to become a limp, lifeless person as the dream suggested I am or may become if I don't fight for my life by taking control of it. Fact is, I've wasted months if not years of my life because I sat around waiting for this or that to change before it deserved a response or action on my part. It just doesn't happen that way. Some things we just have to muster up the courage & inner strength to overcome. Then make a gallant effort to acquiring those things we need, want, and desire that will help make life worth living to the fullest.
Sadly though, many people lack the wisdom to know what the true means to happiness is. It's not driving a Porsche or having the big home in the country. It's in the relationships we cherish. The people we surround ourselves with are those who shape who we are or become, and also either fill our cups to overflowing or bring us to a diminished state of existence. We can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends.
Although the number of singles in our society is growing, fewer are taking part in events and activities largely created for those who are single (never married), divorced, or widowed. For the lack of a better term, all lumped into a sector of society commonly referred to as singles'. Many people would say there is nothing that interests them. Others say I don't feel comfortable at these things. While others admit they can't afford to go. There are a number of reasons singles simply choose not to get involved in the community they are a part of-- and I have heard hundreds of them.
For some, interacting with others is easy, and for others it's awkward and uncomfortable. Other group leaders, besides me, have for years tried to figure out the cause in declining membership or attendance at events. We have gone as far as consulted professionals. The theories and opinions shed some light on the plaguing issue of where has all the single people gone? Are they adrift and lifeless in their existence? Personally, I think not. Caught up in; parenting, career, caring for elderly parents, cohabitation, addictions, living beyond their means, yes. All valid and reasonable reasons not stretch one-self too far.
We rarely hear and read about these things because it scares people off. Running away from the truth is never the answer nor does it help find a solution to a problem. Now, what I have to say is my opinion solely. I've though about how to say this, and there is no other way to do so without being direct.
Based on my involvement in the singles community, I see people come and go. They are looking for something and didn't find it. I have no way of knowing what that was, but none the less, they fade away. Here is the part that some may take offense to. The shallowness of the human condition is such that we don't want to be involved with those who don't meet our personal standards or expecations. Those things that have been burned into our brain by the sources mentioned earlier in this article prevent men and women alike from being able and/or willing to interact with others. It's a growing social phobia. Men, for the most part, are simply not getting out and involved in the community and are becoming more isolated from society. Some would say they are couch potatoes, I beg to differ. Men tend to be less flexible than women as it relates to accepting people into their circles that are over weight, old, church goer's, have issues, don't have a nice car, and Lord only knows the other shallow reasons for choosing the TV over having fun, learning, and meeting some great people. Once we look beyond the superficial, there is beauty in everyone, if given an opportunity to open up.
There is no quick fix to many of life's challenges and disappointments, but too many people are choosing to close themselves off to building their relationships with others because it's simply easier. Neither man, nor woman can or will fulfill all that we desire in life. We need a few great friends and a value system intertwined with purpose and a strong faith in something other than self to be fully content in life. A little fun once in a while never hurts either. In fact, your life depends on it.
So those who may be stuck in a social shell sinking in a sea of unmet expectations can be encouraged to know that we are not all shallow people drowning in our self preservation. It does take time and practice to be a social bug. I encourage you to get out and enjoy all that life has to offer whether you are round, tall, shaggy or stutter. I I I did-years ago!
Grand Quest Wisconsin & Fox Valley Singles
